Theresa Eastman

13055425_996008660484890_212404953667934612_nThis Testimony by Theresa Eastman is reproduced in her words as they were spoken by her. It is powerful!

When did you first start thinking about Jesus?

If any person seeks the LORD, He will show you times in your life when He was there. I never knew those things, I never thought of that before, until He started to really remind me that He was always there. He was always there! I just never put it together; I could never see it because of the darkness. I just couldn’t see it until he started to show me that He was always there.

He reminded me when I was a little girl in a boarding school after my Dad died and my Mom abandoned us, that we were in a boarding school. I could see it so clearly.

It was like in an old auditorium and we were all wearing uniforms. We were all in a Catholic boarding school and it was chaos. Just chaos! Maybe hundreds of kids all rowdies.

It was an old time black and white movie and you could hear that reel going and it was old time, black and white.

All of a sudden He, all of a sudden, out of all that chaos and noise, He got my attention. And there I was; it was just me and Him and that old-time movie. I couldn’t even hear anyone else any more. I just zoomed into that old-time movie.

I was just doing it. It was this movie. Genesis 18:1. And the Lord appeared to him by the oaks of Mamre, as he sat at the door of his tent in the heat of the day. It was that movie.

I didn’t even realize that He was there then, that He got my attention then. That He shows me those things that He was there just like Psalm 39 says, that He was there when we were formed in our mother’s womb. He shows me those things. All of them! He shows me more of those things now because I can sit and listen to Him now because the chaos isn’t there anymore. In my heart and in my mind, I can trust now.

As far as I am now, I have intimacy with the LORD. That is my biggest thing for people to know, for Native Americans to know how really intimate God really is. He’s there in our hearts. He’s there, living inside of us. He wants us to see Him. He wants us to know Him. All He wants us to do is ask.

I called on him after living out on the streets for almost ten years. 2008. I was trying to drown out. I was doing a real good job of drowning out my broken and all my debts and I called on God. I escaped from that place before, so I was put on lock down. I was there in lockdown so no one could hear. But the scariest thing was having to face all my things. I lost parental rights. I lost all my kids. I couldn’t live with my thoughts that I couldn’t live with my children.

My little boys were 18 mos. old, 4 and 7 and 13 and 15. My grandsons were new born and 4 years old. I couldn’t live with that. I couldn’t live with that thought that I couldn’t be with them every day. So I just went into a life of prostitution and drugs. I already drank. I knew about alcohol since I was 15, since when my Mom died.

I didn’t know about drugs until that happened. I lived on the streets. At my age I was a prostitute. And I escaped from that facility so they locked me down. I was so scared. I had no distractions. No distractions and I had to face myself sober. I got scared and I called on God. I didn’t just call on God, I swore, I cussed and I screamed. And I said if you are real, then prove it. Prove yourself, prove it, help me. Or just kill me. That’s all I could stand.

After all those years of not letting any of my memories of my kids come, I let them come – I let them come. I don’t even know how I kept them away all those years. But, I was thinking about my son quizon. He has real long hair. He had real long coal black ringlets. I was thinking about him and his hair and how he wanted, he started to school, and he wanted me to cut his hair, but I liked his hair and I didn’t want to cut it. He’d ask me to cut it and I’d say no and he’d walk away a couple of times. I thought to myself, I should have let him cut his hair, and I thought about my other one Ehoni. He has straight hair and he loved me to fix his hair. He’d let me do anything and he loved me to fix his hair. He used to scare me because when I was done he’d get up and look at me and it was like he could see my emptiness. It was like he could see my soul and it used to scare me. He’d get up and walk away.

I was thinking about him and how much he loves his hair. I thought about the people that had him now. I hoped that they let him keep his long hair. And I thought about my baby Nokomis. He was just a baby and his hair was wild. I thought I could have at least; I could have cut him some bangs. I laid down and I went to sleep.

I got out three months later. The day that I got out, I ended up at my sisters. I didn’t even go around my family. I didn’t go around my family at all, I was so angry at them, because I was thinking they could have helped me, they could have took my kids, but they couldn’t. Their lives weren’t stable either. So I was mad at them, but she had a check for me so I went over to her house.

That was all God because it was a secure building and I got through that and I got to her door and her door was open. I was going to step in, and step into that apartment, and I did and when I did some one came around the corner and it was my oldest son. I hadn’t seen him in 8 maybe longer, maybe 10 years. He was 15 when I left and here he was. He came around the corner and he looked at me and he turned around and walked back into the room that he came from, and then he came back in and he put a picture frame in my hand, and it was three pictures. And it was Quizon, and he had a hair cut, and it was Ehoni, and he still had long hair, and the third one was my baby and he had bangs, just as I was thinking!

I didn’t say, I didn’t talk to the LORD, I just asked Him to help me and I just thought about those things. So when I got back to jail, that’s what He did. He showed me those things. Hebrews 4:12 “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” (laughingly) So I knew He read my thoughts – I knew He read my thoughts!

That second part of it that says and “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” I love that part! I love that part because all I ever wanted was just one person—one person—to know the things that happened, and I remembered when I would search for that one person when my Dad died, I was always looking for that one person. Always.

I was always at funerals too. I seen Jesus in this older couple; inside of them. I seen Him and I was so blown away and all I could think was, as they were standing there, you know how people would look when they love kids? They were just standing there. They came right towards me. I could just feel God’s presence and was saying “Take me home!” I was saying it, but not out loud it was in my soul. I was just saying, ”Take me home”, but I didn’t even know where home was. But that’s all I could think. That’s why I love God’s word so much because Jesus says, “I am the good shepherd, I am the Good Shepherd.” He’s the one I was searching for all of my life and I didn’t even know it.

But, I was glad because when I got put back in, He told me, He gave me 1 John 2:27 As for you, you don’t need anyone else teaching you. He teaches in an anointing and its real, its not counterfeit! Oh I love that. I love that! As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things, and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit, just as it has taught you, remain in him.

I said thank you, thank you. Because I would never ask another human being the things God—a God—could answer; He was there, he was real!

I took that and I had never read the Bible before, but I took it, I took it to my room and started reading it. And God started talking to me. He just started talking to me. He showed me so many things every day. I never left my cell, only to eat and come back and into my cell, and do my little chore that they gave me to do. I would go back to my cell. I wanted to, because this was so alive. He was showing me so many things, so many things. I would be reading and my mind would be unraveling and He would be telling things, so many things, and showing me so much.

I didn’t need anybody.

I really didn’t want to talk to nobody, but I know you need to get out of your room so I went to a Bible study. It is called Women’s Aglow. And I went there and I didn’t sit at the table with the other people. I sat at the door. That lady, she was reading this . . . She read this part right here She read, “and Jesus cried again with a loud voice and yielded up his spirit and behold the vale of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.” Matthew 27:50.

I just broke out crying, I couldn’t believe it, I was just crying like a baby, I couldn’t even stop. I was shocked at myself. I was shaking. I don’t ever cry. I never cried, not even at my own Mother and Father’s funeral, I never cried and here I was. I was crying and I didn’t even know what that meant. I was crying and crying and shaking and I started to get embarrassed because I was crying so bad. But I know why I was crying now. It was because Hebrews 10:19 God’s word says it better. therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, Hebrews 10:20 by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh,

It took a long time, but reading–reading because I wanted to know. I wanted to know why, because I don’t cry like that. But I was just reading and I finally understood. And He opened a way for us to go home.

My Spirit, the spirit of God inside of me knew that but I didn’t know that.

So the Holy Spirit helped me to understand that. I know now that even in our human—in our little minds—the things of God are so, so it takes a minute, its so shocking to see those things. Your spirit does but your mind, your flesh, has a hard time catching up. But they’re real, they’re more real than this life; like His word says, this world is passing away, but His word will endure forever.

You can have such a relationship with the LORD that death won’t even scare you any more. It’s not even scarier anymore.

If you have that relationship with Jesus, you know where you’re going; you know because he paid that price. It’s possible for that relationship to be –so– to be everything to be your life. That first year the LORD told me, He gives me, He says – the LORD says, Acts 2:17 In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams. That’s in Joel too.

 

But the LORD, He taught me, He is my teacher. He taught me the difference in the dreams. You don’t worship them, the dreams, or angels, or anything. God is the one you worship. He just uses those things and I am so grateful he does. He gave me dreams and it was only from reading His word that I understood what the dreams meant.

The Holy Spirit helps, He’s the helper and He told me this dream. I spent six months in Minnesota and then six months in St. Paul. Exactly 365 days. He told me in that cell I was going to get out on that day I was getting out.

But before that day came I was in the St Paul jail and he gave me a dream and he told me I was going to prison and He was going to give me a new life.

And the other one, it is still coming. That’s the house of prayer.

It’s for the children, a whole generation of children calling on Jesus. It’s like the parents need somebody to pray for them. I see how my conversion was. I was beyond hope. God had to set me down. I had to call on Him and be willing.

I didn’t even realize that my relationship with Him started way, way before I even called on Him. He chose me for this. I see it now. I had a hard time grasping that because of the abandonment, the rejection, the darkness, the isolation everything was so beyond, I can’t even describe it. I can’t even describe it. You are not even alive. You are not even alive. You can’t even fail because you’re beyond that.

I used to joke when I was on the street, I used to joke with people, I used to be really mean and violent. I used to joke if I was going to be saved it was going to take an Almighty God to save me.

And there was.

He was. It’s real.

So when I went to prison it all came true. I went to prison. He is so perfect. Oh he is so perfect.

In that dream I was out in a big open field and I was confined. I knew I was confined; it was nothing but women there, all dressed the same. And so if you go to pure prison, and I hope you don’t, if you go to pure prison it is out in the open field just like in the dream where I was. It took a few years to put this all together because it is so amazing. It’s So amazing. It’s so amazing.

I had to – really, God kind of had to push me out there to share things. Because nobody has ever given me anything beautiful, anything so huge that I wanted to keep it all to myself, but the curiosity in me was so huge I couldn’t even contain it anymore, I couldn’t hold it back anymore, I thought I gotta share it with somebody.

So, this one little native lady from Montana, she was the only one going to Bible study. That’s so sad, out of all that whole prison there was only maybe 2-3 of us going. She would talk to me and tell me stuff so I thought okay I guess I can tell her since it is already killing me not to.

So we went out on the field and I said you know what, I am going to tell you something, and I told her what the LORD told me in 2008. That I was going to go to prison I said, and here I am.

And then I started to tell her about the new life. How the LORD told me was like a plant that was that high. A real pretty plant and there was little tiny neon colored frog on top of that leaf and it was so cute. I was thinking about my seven-year-old son and I thought Quizon would like to see this.

I looked over and here was an ugly old toad lying on the ground and I thought ugh, and I looked back at that frog. And that frog is so cute. In my mind I’m thinking I have got to tell quizon, and I turned around to tell quizon and there was a hill and that hill is on my land. There’s hundreds and hundreds of children, just nothing but children and I looked for Quizon and I couldn’t find him; and then all of a sudden, all the pain, all my lifetime of my pain, all of it all together from the time I could remember; everything from the abandonment to the deaths – deaths – deaths, my daughter’s rape, and the guy that tried to almost kill my baby.

The devastation of that, the death, all of it, all piled in together just all came to a head all at once in my soul so I was being crushed by the pain. It was too much and I don’t know what was happening to me in my dream, but it was too much and I was going down like this, and it was too much and then a hand reached in and it pulled, it pulled and pulled it out.

And I woke up and I thought, “What was that, oh my God, what was that?” I didn’t know.

It wasn’t until I got to prison and I got into Gods word more, and here’s what I read, “Every plant which my heavenly father has not planted will be uprooted.”

All the pain, all the wounds, all the deep cuts, my Moms death, my Dad being killed, everything – just everything, every single thing that hurt me broke me, crushed me, or touched me was going to be taken and it was all going to be for the glory of His Name, because I was going to be sitting here telling these women, oh yeah God has the power to heal you because He did it for me. I talk about these things now, I talk about them because I cherish them.

It’s my life, I love it. I love what God has got me through; He has carried me. One time I was laying on that bed and I was really struggling that morning and I used to see that picture of Jesus walking the other way, and there was two footprints and then there was one; and I hated that, I hated that all my life. I didn’t understand. I didn’t like it and I didn’t believe it. I thought yeah its all good for you people because you are weak-minded, you need to believe in something like that.

That’s how hard I was. I hated that and I had seen it three times in my life and I couldn’t stand it. And then I saw a picture of it like three months ago and I really liked it because now I am with the LORD now.

So I put it on my phone.

I was having a hard time getting up and so I turned on KTIS and I heard the end of the song and it was about “I took you out of deep waters and now you’re on the shore.” And that picture came to my head and I remember I used to tell Ginny that I used to feel like I was in the deepest part of the ocean and was sinking, sinking, sinking, and I’d barely get up and get some air and I would go back down. And that’s what it felt like.

When that song came on I was laying there half asleep and I saw Jesus carrying me out of the water and we were walking along that shore and then I just fell in love with it and its still on my phone. Everything you ever hated He just turns it around. It’s so beautiful.

So when I got to prison I was telling that lady about the frogs and see He did this because He wanted me to know that there is a body of Christ and we all have to help each other. Every body matters every body counts.

I had lost faith in people a long time ago. When your Mother and Father, when they were there and they just scare you, you don’t trust anybody.

So He taught me I have to be out there, I can’t be isolated. I used to think isolation was a rejection and abandonment, But after I found Him it turned around. I liked being alone, I didn’t need anybody no more. So He started pushing me out. So when I told her about that dream. I just told her about the frog part and she said, “He’s giving you a new life!” And it just clicked. Everything, the whole toad laying on the ground and the frog on the leaf, it all clicked, and I thought, “He’s giving me a new life.” That’s what He does. He uses people to do things like that.

So . . . the intimacy. I spent all my time with the LORD, just reading. I used to read these five devotionals every day. And one morning I got up and I was reading them. 1 Peter 1:24– for all flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the LORD endures forever. That verse was on my devotional. I got my second one and it led to this verse Isaiah 40:7– The grass withers, the flower fades when the breath of the Lord blows on it; surely the people are grass. And the third one, Isaiah 40:-8- The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever. The same verse, and I thought, is that all you’re going to talk about?

I know my mind got it, but my spirit didn’t, so I know He was showing me the same thing. I just pushed my Bible away. There was a room about this size and there were three bunks, and there were nine of us squashed in this room.

I asked a roommate if she would come and say a prayer with me. I didn’t even know if she was a praying woman, I just asked her to come and say a prayer and she turned around and looked at me and I said, here, sit right here, and I pulled a chair up and I grabbed her hands and I prayed; and I busted out crying again, and I was crying – crying – crying, and I don’t really know why I was crying, but they got up and my friend came and sat at the table with me and she slid a track over to me and it had a rose on it and I picked it up and here it was, the very same verse. So I just pushed it back over to her and she said what you don’t want it? So I just grabbed it and I went in my room.

One of my roommates brought in a stack of Dakota Times, the Native American newspaper, and she set a stack on my dresser like that. And she said, I have a stack of newspaper if anyone wants to read anything. I used to wake up at 4:30 and I’d read all morning. I’d always be reading. So I was used to reading, but I was already irritated at the LORD for showing me that again, so I didn’t want to read my bible, so I grabbed it and sat on my bed and I opened it up and here my son’s obituary is right there. And all I could think was “Oh that’s what you were trying to show me, that’s what you were saying.” I just sat there looking at my son’s obituary thinking that’s what you were getting ready to tell me.

Nobody wrote a letter to me. Nothing. But the LORD told me.

It was already a week later that they had buried him. And that’s all I could think is, that’s what you were going to tell me.

Then they called lunch. So I got into the lunch line and I got in line and one of my friends, one little girl came up to me and said, “What’s wrong?” I didn’t even think that anything looked wrong. She said, “What’s wrong?” I said, “My son’s dead.” As soon as I said it acknowledged it I cried, I cried this cry I never cried. It was like a mourning, a grieving, I cried like somebody died. Then I stopped and I never felt bad again. I never felt bad again.

The LORD taught me that you can face things. You can go through anything because He’s with you. He showed me that. He told me my son was gone already, And I acknowledged it and I accepted it and it was okay. It was okay because He told me. It was better that He told me. That’s the kind of intimacy that we can have with the LORD; that we don’t have to fear death. Nothing! Nothing! It’s a miracle to be able to have a relationship with the almighty God like that – like that.

He can tell you things before. There are many, many things He can tell you and He says it in John 14:26But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. And the other one says in John 14:15If you love Me, you will keep My commandments. John 14:16 I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever. John 14:17that is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not see Him or know Him, but you know Him because He abides with you and will be in you. John 14:18I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:19After a little while the world will no longer see Me, but you will see Me; because I live, you will live also.…

He’s all that. Everything He says He is, He is. Anything He wants to show you, He can show you.

He turned everything around. It’s not dark.

In 2011, He started telling me I had to go home. Right away I said no. No, are you kidding, I’m not going back there!

I just love reading. I read, I spend time, I just enjoy it. And here he comes again, You gotta go and I’d say no. and I’d keep reading. And I did that for three months—He does things in threes—I kept telling him no, but hear He comes again. I told him no because I hated it. I remembered it and I hated it, I hated the reservation. There’s nothing but death, death, death, nothing but death. That’s all I remember, starting with my Dad’s.

He kept telling me to go home.

And then after three months He started telling me why I had to go home. God never said You have to, He’d be so gentle and say, “I predestined you for this.” I chose you. I will be with you. I will never leave you. Just so beautiful; and He laid it out. I started to see other people I had been to boarding school with and they are all dead. I started seeing their faces. And then He said, “Did they know Me?”

After my dad died I used to go to funerals all the time. And they’d start reading Psalm 23 and the priest and his big black long robe and he’d start reading, The LORD is my shepherd I shall not want, He makes me to lie down in green pastures and he leads me besides still waters and he restores my soul. He leadeth me to the path of righteousness for his names sake, Yeah tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death . . . then the coffin would start going down.

Everybody would bust out screaming and crying. And people were jumping on top of the coffin and the guns would go off. It is finality. No hope. Death. You’re all going to die. There’s no hope, like that. Can you imagine being a little girl just knowing the same thing every time; one after the other. And just being so, I hated that. Oh no, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes! As soon as he opens that Bible… I hated Psalm 23.

So, it made me wonder where people went. I wondered where people went. Where did they go, where are they. When He started showing me their faces, all the girls I used to play with, He asked did they know me? And I asked, well what happens if they don’t know you? That’s eternity Eternal. It’s death if they don’t know Jesus.

That’s what changed my mind. That’s what changed my heart. He did. I saw my selfishness. I felt so bad, so bad that I kept saying no. And he didn’t tell me I have to, He just showed me. So He changed that in three months. After I said okay, I see. I don’t know where they went, but I see now.

So it changed, the next three months

Now, I start reading again and its like – have mercy on me. Because it changed and I would start seeing the land. The road. What He wanted me to do and I started enjoying that and I would be reading and I would see it and I would say oh yeah, that looks nice. Alright, yeah, I’ll do that, I can do that.

I started changing, after a couple months of that. How easy. He just wants me to build a house on that hill. I can do that. Okay a house, the truckers will come by and everybody in those communities; everybody has to go by that road and they can just stop in and they can pray. I saw it and I said okay LORD, I can do that. I will do that. I will go but you do it you have to do it. I will go. But then I said, what are we going to call it? What will it be named? But I had already read it. It is in Isaiah 57:6 these I will bring to my holy mountain and give them joy in my house of prayer. Their burnt offerings and sacrifices will be accepted on my altar; for my house will be called a house of prayer for all nations.

That is such a – beautiful, beautiful… it’s the natives. It’s the natives. Can you imagine how strong they will be when they know the truth? It will be like their eyes are going to be opened. They are going to love Jesus because of who He is. Isaiah 53:3– He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

That’s the natives! that’s exactly how I felt all my life. Oh man, I just love him, love Him

Isaiah 56:1-Thus says the Lord, Keep justice, and do righteousness, for soon my salvation will come, and my righteousness be revealed. Isaiah 56:2 – Blessed is the man who does this, and the son of man who holds it fast, who keeps the Sabbath, not profaning it, and keeps his hand from doing any evil. Isaiah 56:3 – Let not the foreigner who has joined himself to the Lord say, “The Lord will surely separate me from his people”; and let not the eunuch say, “Behold, I am a dry tree. Isaiah 56:4 – For thus says the Lord: “To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose the things that please me and hold fast my covenant, Isaiah 56:5 – I will give in my house and within my walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off. Isaiah 56:6 – And the foreigners who join themselves to the Lord, to minister to him, to love the name of the Lord, and to be his servants, everyone who keeps the Sabbath and does not profane it, and holds fast my covenant— Isaiah 56:7 – these I will bring to my holy mountain, and make them joyful in my house of prayer; their burnt offerings and their sacrifices will be accepted on my altar; for my house shall be called a house of prayer for all nations.
 Isaiah 56:8 – The Lord God, who gathers the outcasts of Israel, declares, “I will gather yet others to him besides those already gathered.

I love that. It speaks about the natives. They really need to know. They really need to know Gods word. He told me to go home and tell them. I see more and more . . . so when I came back, when I got out of prison, The LORD’s plan is for the salvation of the Native Americans of Rosebud. Only He can do that. I’m just a sinner like everyone else. He had mercy on me He had compassion; that’s who He is.

You know how Ecclesiastes 3:11 says . . . and He put eternity into man’s heart? And God’s word says—God is love!

The whole world is going crazy because they believe they are not loved. They believed a lie just like I did. And that’s all He wants us to do is to tell them how much He loves them and how He sent His son.

He sent His only Son, and His Son did it willingly so that we can go home. That’s all we gotta do, that’s all we gotta tell them, is tell them the truth. And pray. Pray this word with them and God will do His own thing just like He did for me. That’s how He got my attention.

When I went to the Bible study and even though I wasn’t paying attention I heard it and the spirit of God inside me moved. So that’s all we gotta do is just pray with them. Just pray. That’s what I committed my life to do—to pray. I’m not anybody special, I don’t know how to pray any big old extravagant prayers. But I love the LORD, I love Jesus, I love God’s Word and I love the people of Rosebud. I love the reservation. I love all the people back there. They are SO beautiful, they are SO beautiful, and they don’t know that, they just need the truth. That’s all. And we just need to go tell them.

I did all my paperwork. I will go home and have a house and keep it open and let them come and I will pray for them and it will grow because God said He will do it. He commanded me to be strong and courageous. And that’s all my life, I never thought… I never did have anything solid, anything real to tell anybody.

But this is what He said, Ezekiel 36:23– I will sanctify my great name, which has been profaned among the nations and which you have profaned among them. And the nations will know that I am the LORD, declares the Lord GOD, when through you I vindicate my holiness before their eyes. Ezekiel 36:24– I will take you from the nations and gather you from all the countries and bring you into your own land. I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleanness’s, and from all your idols I will cleanse you.

See the natives, they are seekers. They want to worship God. It’s just the enemy. It’s not as bad as it used to be. When He told me it was time to go home, He said it is open, the way is open. I remember when I left . . . I hitchhiked when I was 15-16 years old because it was so bad. It was so, so bad.

It was never heard of for a native to have a Bible. You couldn’t mention any of it. They hated it. So when He told me it was time to go home, that was why I said no, but He kept reminding me that the way was open. It is hard to describe; it was so huge, so open I can’t even describe it. Nothing was going to stop him. Nothing. So that’s where I got my courage to say okay, I will go. You do it, but I will go, You do it.

That’s when I met the doctor. I went to another place I used to hate. It’s a three-story wet house. I needed a place to volunteer and no one would let me. That’s where I met the doctor. I went in there and to this day I don’t even know how I got to that place where I hated standing at the desk asking them if I could volunteer for them. So they told me to go downstairs and I went downstairs and that’s the place where the doctor was. God knows what He is doing.

Doctor and Ginny came back from the Congo and they love, they love people like us. I like Ginny, I mean I love Ginny, she’s like a native. They are like natives; they have a good sense of humor and even though they live good, they live real—like us. They don’t waste anything, they save everything. They are different, they are like us.

I knew I could trust Ginny because when I asked her how she met her husband she told me about all her friends that were getting married and settling down and having a house, and having kids and all that. She said at her age she wanted to go on her mission and they were going to send her to the jungle.

All her friends said, “Well Ginny, if you go to the jungle you will never find a husband,” and she said, “If God has a husband for me he will find me.” (He found me in the jungle) I knew Ginny was a woman of faith so I knew I could trust her. So me and Ginny have been having Bible studies ever since then.

So I asked her one day, “Where do you go to church, what do you do?” She said, “First we go to the prayer room,” so I knew I had to go to the prayer room. So I started going to her church, then I became a member and I liked that they read from the Bible.

But, I didn’t really tell them about the House of Prayer yet because it is just an old habit, you just don’t trust people right away, so I go and I pray about it by myself. I don’t remember how it came up but I finally told them I had to come and pray about it and it just went from there.

We got it its own web site, its own cards, its own fliers and brochures. (Son painted painting and saw the cards) God took a whole year and removed any doubt, any confusion from my mind and my heart.

Ginny-tell her about the sign.

I had been praying for this house of prayer ever since I got out of prison, and every once in a while I get worn out. Its huge and I was getting that way again. One Sunday I was praying and I was saying LORD, I just need a sign just give me a sign.

I went to church, I went to the prayer room, service and sanctuary, and the sanctuary class that puts together the money for the trips who prays about the House of Prayer. So we were in sanctuary class and I was sitting at the table after prayer and some one came over and said Theresa we got the sign! I didn’t even think to notice it, until afterwards where literally, I got the sign. I got an idea for the sign and he called and she said, “Ginny, that’s the sign, He got the sign!” He has a sense of humor. I just love it.

I was sitting here thinking about it, the sign, and I was looking at that picture. I asked for a sign and (gasp), you gave me a sign.

He’s so perfect, He’s so beautiful like that. He’s so real, He’s right here. So there’s a lot that’s so beautiful. It’s so beautiful this journey.

So we have been going back and forth on these trips. This is one more trip to go to stay. So after all these months of going back and forth on these trips, I just sit there and I’m watching God and what He’s doing, what He’s doing and I don’t have to do nothing. Every once in a while I get up and say my testimony, but that’s all. It gives him glory so I do it, shaky scared, I do it because I told Him I’d do it.

He’s so beautiful. You know what. God likes simple small. He likes it like that. He doesn’t like the big extravagant stuff. One time I came back and there weren’t that much people and I thought gee Lord. After these trips and I started to think, that person and that person got saved, and then He said if I sent 20 of you back to get one person, that’s My will. And I thought (gasp) So we were in your will, thank you!! As people we think it should be this way and that way, but it’s not. Because He said His ways are higher than our ways and He likes it like that. And so after that, I don’t care, so however small, maybe just two or three people whatever way God will work it that way.

I just know the Bible that’s all I know. You know when Sodom and Gomorrah was all full of perversion it was an abominable sight to God, that it was so bad that He came down to talk with Abraham. He shows us that God is that kind of God. He will talk to us and help us try and figure things out and help us and see it and we can pray as hard as we can and who knows, He might give it to us. When I heard that in my insides, I felt like doom, its done, we’re done, America is done. I don’t know much about the big world, I don’t know, but that’s what I felt. But now we’re done, something is going to happen because the whole world is agreeing to perversion, the state, because you’re teaching all the children–you’re confusing the kids. It’s just ugly just like Sodom and Gomorrah and when I see that and I was talking to Ginny on the phone she reminded me that the Nation is a sovereign land. I knew the reservation was sovereign, and people commit crimes and go running back to the reservation and no one can catch them unless its, like, murder. But umm, I seen how America wouldn’t be able to tell us to stop calling out the Name of Jesus because we are a sovereign land and we can preach Jesus all we want.

I really believe that is what the LORD is going to do. He’s going to raise them up. As America is falling, He is going to raise up the Native Americans, we are going to be lifted up. And they are so gentle, so beautiful and so generous. You can’t ask for anything more.

So this last trip, the last three days on the third to the last day after I got done with devotions, I asked now what LORD, now what? And hear Dorothy, I got a call from Chris and Dorothy wants to hold a prayer meeting and they would come and get me. So I got to Dorothy’s house and she said Theresa I have been praying and I just read one of her phone messages before the prayer meeting and she tried to get a hold of me before the prayer meeting.

So she said she’d been praying and that the LORD had put it on her heart that I should invite you to stay here and stay here. She had a house down there and she has a new building. Its an old church but it has been remodeled and she said this can be your temporary house of prayer.

So she said she has a surprise. She said you have to go to Dorothy’s. So Dorothy told us this and I was so overcome. I was just flabbergasted, I was just in awe of the LORD. I couldn’t even talk.

Her husband Ron said they were like Simeon and Anna waiting for the consolation of the LORD. They had been in ministry for 27 years. Here’s the picture; every picture had steam. Every time Ron, her husband, would say something he would get tears in his eyes. They have a little house, a trailer, but she can stay there with or without them. The chapel is right there. And someone gave me a van. She needs to get a license. I might need two more drivers.

I have still been praying about Charlie. It was $300k down to 175k now down to 100k. I keep praying; LORD, you know what is going to be coming out of there because of the glory of His name; because of His Word and His love for them.

So every trip we went back. The fist couple of trips someone would accept and then we’d go back and they’d be gone again.

So this time we went back and LORD asked me to talk to this lady with the Tree of Life and so I asked if we could talk and she said yes. We sat down and started talking and she asked me what my gifts were. Praying and reading God’s word was all that came out of my mouth, that’s all. And she said; so let’s pray that.

So we grabbed hands and prayed that and we were just crying. And he Holy Spirit was filling our hearts with, I don’t know what, but we were just crying and crying and she said LORD we are just going to do it. Theresa doesn’t have no money or no building but we are just going to do it. She gave me a table and she told me to just do what the LORD tells me to do, so I was sitting there one day and this Joe Running Horse came over and so I started talking to him and I said, “Joe, do you still pray?” I just said that to see what he would say or whatever.

He said I still pray, I get up ever morning, I said, well did you know God had a son? He said what?! I said, yeah, God had a son and his name is Jesus. And he just got tears in his eyes. He said, “I didn’t know.” (this grabs my heart) He said, “ honest, I didn’t know!” Serious, oh my gosh I couldn’t believe it so I just told him about Jesus and why we need Jesus and what He came to do for us. And I said, He opened the way and even Jesus said we can’t go into the Kingdom of heaven without Him unless we are reborn. I asked if he wanted to go to heaven too and he said yes and I said well, you gotta accept Jesus into your heart as your Savior and just start telling Him all that stuff. So I asked, do you want to Joe? And he said, “Yes, yes I do.”

So he accepted Jesus and he said the prayer after I did. So we sat there for another hour and the whole time the Holy Spirit must have really been working on him because he kept tearing up. Then it was my turn. He said who is going to help me grow?

That just scared me. I knew about my own experience, a person can accept the LORD because of my own experience, but I seen the first case in my son, he accepted the LORD he was all happy He wanted to fast, and pray, and pray. And he enjoyed it and so he was still in the world and he went back out into the world and so I know that happens.

And I didn’t have an answer. So earlier his cousin came back from the store and she said did he tell you what happened. I didn’t say nothing. So she said when his wife died that’s when he fell off and he really started drinking bad. So that hit me, I said, Joe you don’t need anybody. I didn’t have nobody and I read John 14, the Holy Spirit the helper inside of us will help us and teach us. Look what happened when you held onto your wife and she died. What happened you fell. You have to put God before everybody. Before your son, before your daughter, before your children. Before everybody and I learned that by losing my parental rights.

But I was telling him that and he just got it all. He just got it. I saw it. He just got it and he accepted it—all of it. But he said, what am I going to do. I live in my house and before I even wake up and brush my teeth my grandsons hand me a liter of vodka or a joint. I can’t even get out of bed and they hand it to me.

I said, You know what? You’re just going to have to–you are the elder–you said your grandsons, You are the elder. They are supposed to be following you, not you following them. You’re just going to have to stand up. You’re just going to have to say no. You’re going to have to stand on your own feet and say “I know the way now and this is not the way.” Even if you have to go off by yourself and get away from them until you can say no and stand firm. Jesus is going to help you. He sees your heart, He sees you and He sees you want something different. He will help you through it and then your grandsons will follow you. They will say, “Look at my grandpa Joe. He’s sober. He hangs out by himself, but he’s happy.” That’s what Jesus is going to do for you.

Look at me. I haven’t got to be around my kids for 15 years, but I’m okay, I’m okay because I’m not alone I have Jesus with me. I live with Him. I spend time with Him I talk with Him and I know I’m never alone. I almost have to push myself out there to be with other people because I’d rather be with Him.

So, he got it. He walked away. It was seeking that like that God had already prepared him. All you have to do is open your mouth, talk with them pray with them and that’s all. He does it all. He uses our lives, but He’s going to do it. Ezekiel 36:26 He said, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:27And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.

Ezekiel 36:36Then the nations around you that remain will know that I the Lord have rebuilt what was destroyed and have replanted what was desolate. I the Lord have spoken, and I will do it.

He will do it.

So now there are so many people waiting for the House Of Prayer. It just . . . I am so grateful for His love for them. For a long time I had to shut my eyes, because I knew where they were living because I lived there all my life. And He is so compassionate. Look down on them now. Look down on us. I can’t wait to go home. But He gives us peace while we wait.

Oh my, I haven’t seen my kids but I get to talk to them on the phone. It’s all a process, a beautiful process. He knows exactly when I need to hear from one of them; before I go somewhere, even driving along the road, He gives me peace about them because they are out there.

My adult children are – they are homeless – they are struggling and on drugs. One’s in Arizona, another is in jail because he slapped his adopted/foster mother or father. But I have peace.

My oldest daughter – God is really going to use her life to save and help a lot of them back there because she has a really, my daughter Amber, she scared me all my life because I’ve seen how God is going to use her. I’ve seen it and I see it. First I was afraid of her because she was so broken and fragile, then I got afraid of her because I was seeing what God was doing in her.

So I was always just afraid of her.

She is the most precious, fragile pieces of glass; I don’t know how to describe it. But, I see what God is going to do with her. There is so much stuff. There is so much God is going to do.

She lost two sons too. She went to prison. So now me and my daughter have been to prison. My daughter Katherine. See all the letters I got from her. She got seven years and Amber got ten years. I only got four. But I did them.

(Ginny, I like that dream about Amber) Oh my gosh, it was so perfect. I haven’t been around my daughter Amber for a long, long time. I never been around her children, we never had a relationship. She lost her kids and she was on meth for a long time. Then she got up here and it was this woman, this girl God gave me, I can’t even put it into words, but I love her so much, but we don’t have a relationship.

All me and my daughter know is brokenness, darkness, terror. We can come into the room and glance that way and I know everything about her. She can come in the room and ask an off question and I know exactly. We know how to talk to each other without talking to each other.

That’s how long its been like that. So can you imagine when God gets us in the places that we are supposed to be?

So she got up here. New Hope Church helped me get her up here and they prayed and prayed and prayed. So she got up here and I did my devotions and she got off the bus and she was lying over there.

It was morning and I drank my coffee and I was sitting here and reading, reading. I was thinking, I don’t know how to approach this. I have no idea how to approach this. I don’t know how this is going to go. I have no idea at all. I don’t have the words to describe it.

All of a sudden I got really sleepy. I kept trying to read. But I got really, really sleepy so I said, Okay, you want me to go to sleep, so I pushed my Bible right here and I had a couch so I laid down on the couch and He wanted me to go to sleep. I had drank two cups of strong coffee.

So I laid down and I went to sleep and He gave me a dream. There is always a driver and I know it’s the holy Spirit now and I have this little baby and I am holding this little baby and I’m holding this little baby up and the window is open and man, this wind is blowing–blowing, not violently, just this wind blowing and blowing and blowing and it was just beautiful and its day time and I put this bottle in its mouth. And that little babies hair is blowing and it’s so beautiful.

And I wondered what was this, but I know by now the driver is always the Holy Spirit. But I didn’t know what the wind was. I got up and at first I wrote it down and it wouldn’t pass so I texted Ginny and I told her about the whole dream and she said, It’s the Holy Spirit. It’s Acts 2. I knew it was Him, He was going to do it. He took it out of my hands and out of my mind and everything. He was going to do it. So I said, you died for her, she belongs to you, and so it’s just out of my hands. (Ginny telling about Amber)

See, the LORD is doing it all. He will bring it along in His time.

Psalm 139:13You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. Psalm 139:14– I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:15– My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Psalm 139:16– Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

I was reading Genesis 8:21 King James Version (KJV) . . . for the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done.

He still sent his son Jesus Christ for us. He knew what we are, but You still sent your son. So we know that you are merciful, compassionate, long suffering, gentle and kind and that’s what you want us to walk in father, in holiness to display your splendor.

Thank you Jesus for dying and sending us the Holy Spirit, the helper, the teacher reminding us that you dwell inside in each one of us. Its such a miracle LORD that you live inside of us. I love that and I thank you for that. I thank you for my sons and my daughters and that you are drawing them to yourself. Acts 2:39 ESV For the promise is for you and for your children and for all who are far off, everyone whom the Lord our God calls to himself.

My daughters and sons will have salvation according to Your promise.

You knew exactly where everyone was going to be born. I love your word that it says your ways our higher than our ways. I pray for the salvation for the whole Nations. Nothing is out of your reach and your arm is not short; that you will open the eyes of the blind and set the captives free.

Thank you for loving us. Thank you for dying for us LORD. We love you.